Surviving a Dysfunctional Family: Breaking the Cycle and Healing Together

By: Sharika Pruitt, LPC, NCC

Clinical Director and Founder

Let’s be real. Growing up in a dysfunctional family can feel like trying to breathe in a room with no air. You spend so much time surviving that you forget what it means to live. And if you’re like many of my clients or even myself at times, you’ve carried that pain into adulthood—wondering why relationships feel unsafe, why people-pleasing is your default, or why your inner critic never seems to rest.

In my work as a therapist and in my studies as a Marriage and Family Therapy doctoral student, I’ve come to understand that dysfunction is not just about a chaotic household. It’s about needs not being met. Emotional needs. Safety needs. Stability needs. When those are lacking, the effects ripple through generations.

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What Does Dysfunction Look Like?

According to Raymond Jamiolkowski’s Coping in a Dysfunctional Family, dysfunction in families shows up when one or more members’ core needs are not met—needs like safety, love, self-worth, and the ability to grow into an independent adult. This dysfunction can come in many forms: neglect, emotional abuse, perfectionism, addiction, or being overprotected to the point of being smothered. And sadly, many families suffering from these issues stick together out of shame, guilt, or fear, hiding behind silence instead of facing the truth.

The truth? Dysfunction binds. But healing unbinds.

In families where dysfunction reigns, children often assume certain roles to cope and keep the family intact. There’s the caretaker, the scapegoat, the hero, the lost child, and the mascot. These roles are survival tools—but over time, they become emotional shackles that keep you stuck in cycles of codependency, people-pleasing, or self-sabotage.

Let me be clear—none of this is your fault. But healing is your responsibility.

How Dysfunction Affects Development

Children who grow up in these environments often internalize beliefs like:

• “I am only loved if I perform.”

• “I can’t trust anyone.”

• “My feelings don’t matter.”

• “It’s my job to keep everyone together.”

As we saw in the video from Films on Demand, trauma in family systems often shows up in subtle, unspoken ways—where dysfunction isn’t just about what happens, but what’s never allowed to happen. Open communication. Emotional expression. Vulnerability. All of those get suppressed.

These children often develop anxiety, depression, relational trauma, and even physical symptoms like chronic pain or autoimmune issues later in life. Why? Because their nervous systems have been wired for survival, not connection. And the body remembers what the mind tries to forget.

Rebuilding and Repairing: It’s Possible

Here’s the good news—healing from a dysfunctional family system is not only possible, but transformative. You get to break the cycle. You get to become the safe space you never had.

Here are a few practical steps for individuals and families ready to do the work:

1. Acknowledge the Patterns

Stop pretending everything is okay. Dysfunction thrives in silence. Speak up. Journal your experience. Share it with a therapist. Call it what it is.

2. Seek Professional Help

A family systems therapist or MFT can help uncover roles, communication breakdowns, and generational trauma. Therapy provides tools to rewrite those scripts and create new family dynamics based on trust and respect.

3. Learn New Skills Together

Families that heal together learn how to:

• Validate each other’s emotions.

• Practice active listening without interrupting.

• Take responsibility without blaming or shaming.

• Apologize and make amends.

Even if just one person in the family changes, it creates a ripple effect.

4. Set Healthy Boundaries

You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to protect your peace. And you are allowed to take a break from toxic interactions, even if it’s with your mother, your sibling, or someone who “means well.”

5. Replace Roles with Relationships

You’re not the fixer. You’re not the emotional punching bag. Let go of the identity that was forced on you and start building real connections based on mutual care, not obligation.

6. Build Your Chosen Family

Sometimes, blood family can’t or won’t change. That’s okay. Healing can still happen through relationships you choose. Friendships. Mentors. Spiritual community. Support groups. You are not alone.

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Final Thoughts

The journey out of dysfunction is messy. It’s layered. But it is so worth it. You deserve a life that feels safe, connected, and honest. You deserve to live without fear of walking on eggshells or being silenced by shame. The past may explain you, but it doesn’t define you.

Surviving a dysfunctional family is not just about getting through the chaos. It’s about learning how to thrive on the other side of it.

And trust me, that version of you? She’s powerful, wise, and finally free.

If this resonated with you, I invite you to explore therapy with a trained family systems therapist or reach out to your support network. Healing is not linear, but every step matters.

With heart,

Sharika